curiouser and curiouser

A few days ago Sarah T. posted about the frustrations of figuring out the whole to PhD or not to PhD thing. I wish I had been more thoughtful about it last year because now I’m just really unsure and I have under three weeks to make official decisions. Part of me wants to stay in for the haul. And the reverse is the thought of just finishing school for now, teaching somewhere, trying to publish. I suppose a big part of the problem deciding is that this is a terrible time in the semester. I feel tired, overwhelmed. I thought after turning in my thesis I would feel unleashed, but really it’s just on to the next big project.

I definitely feel like I’m complaining, but it seems like such a terribly important decision. Of course playing into it is the wealth of fears of personal, academic, and creative inadequacies. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night in a steal of panic and think, “I can’t proofread.” As if that seals the decision.

Anyway, I should be reporting on some decision soon. In the meantime, I have to finish reading Jonathan Culler’s On Deconstruction: Theory and Criticism after Structuralism, prepare for my defense on Monday, get something in draft for my final paper, and—maybe—try to enjoy Spring Break.